I am not good at being still. I’m a doer. I like to take action. Heck, I’m a self-published author, meaning I do everything from writing my books, to formatting them, to uploading them, to marketing them. I am not a person who likes to sit around and let others do things for me. I like to be in control.
But right now in my spiritual life God is teaching me to “Be still and know that He is God.” (Psalms 46:10) Easier said than done, I’m afraid.
After my last blog post, my health took another unexpected turn. I ended up with an infection that you contract from the hospital or antibiotic use. It’s a scary infection and it kind of rocked my world. I was ready for 2014 to be my healthy year, not start with another illness. The truth is that at first I was angry, and in some moments I still am. I feel kind of like Job in the bible- just being pummeled by illness after illness. For the first few days of this infection I wallowed in self-pity and a woe is me attitude. In fact, if I’m being entirely honest, it’s easy for me to slip back into that at any given moment like a turtle hides in it’s shell. When I’m out and about I find myself jealous of all the people around me seemingly healthy, and wonder why I have to be the one sick. But God is teaching me to have a positive attitude, to enjoy every minute I have on this earth, and most importantly to be still and know that he is God.
The infection I have is very resistant to antibiotics and I’m now on my second round. Some days I think I will never get rid of this. But then God reminds me that he’s got this. He’s handling it. He’s working on my behalf. He reminds me in the sweetest ways. Like through a message on FB from a friend, or from my sweet friends who bring my family dinner every night, or from a word spoken over me when I ask for prayer at church. He keeps reminding me that He is with me, even when I feel so alone and scared. He is with me and He loves me and He is in control of all things. God works everything for the good of those who love him.
So when I feel like I’m drowning in the waves of anxiety and distress, I can just throw my arm up and know that He will pull me out of the storm. I don’t have to claw my way out when I’m too weak to do it. No, I can trust that He will be my strength.
This is sometimes hard for the control freak in me. I want to research this infection like a mad woman and fix this myself. And, of course, I have done my homework and I am doing all that I can to fight the infection. But while I’m doing what the doctors have told me, I also have to relax, to rest in God almighty, to trust, to listen, to learn, to grow. I can come out of this stronger than I was going in. I can glean what God is trying to teach me. Instead of asking him why this is happening, I can ask him what I can learn through this trial.
I think for me I need to learn not to fear tomorrow. Not to fear what could happen, but to live in the moment.
When I was a little girl I was in love with the music of Twila Paris. And there was a song I used to sing that said:
There Is An Ocean Surrounding Me
Mostly the Water Is Calm
Just Enough Breeze to Keep Me Sailing
I Feel Safe and Warm
Angry Winds Blow Suddenly
How This World Can Threaten Me
Then the Master Speaks With Sure Authority
Peace Be Still, Peace Be Still
Peace Be Still to the Wind and the Waves
Peace Be Still, Peace Be Still
Peace Be Still and the Ocean Obeys
As a child, I don’t know if I really got these lyrics but now I do. I can choose to be bowled over by the waves of uncertainty and panic, or I can call out my God, the King of Kings who has all authority over the heavens and the earth and I can let Him speak peace over the chaos. What the enemy intends for evil I can allow to be used for good. Then God is the one with the victory.
If you are going through a storm right now, know that God is with you. That He loves you more than you know. That His peace is the peace that surpasses understanding.
Be still and know that He is God….